How to help my angry child

It hurts so deeply when we hear our beloved child saying: -“I HATE YOU”-. At such a young age, our children may come up to us with painful and scary phrases like: “I don’t want you to be my mom”, “I wish you were dead”, and some may even come up with: -“I want to kill you”-. And as Parents, we tend to feel so disappointed, terrified, and so very sad, and angry too. It is heartbreaking to hear those words when you are doing your best to become a better parent every day. We feel our children should either show some gratitude or, at least, a little respect and kindness for us.

The plain truth is that it is going to take many years for our children to realize and praise our efforts at Parenting. You are doing the right thing, and you are doing your best, but your children are still very far away from appreciating it because children don’t see the world through your grown up eyes. 

Your Top One response to those disturbing phrases should start by acknowledging you need to stay calm.

These outbursts of rage among children are merely a signal from an underlying cause. They don’t metabolize their emotions as we do. Those explosions may be caused by sadness, frustration, or anxiety. Children who seem angry and defiant often have severe, and unrecognized, anxiety. When children have anxiety, especially if they are hiding it, they may have a hard time coping with situations that cause the distress, and they may lash out when someone puts pressure on them that they can't handle. Furthermore, children struggle to understand what they are feeling and don’t know how to cope with it. Their outbursts are a clear call for your help.

After conducting a thorough research on the subject and consulting many authors and specialists, these four steps came up as the Most Positive Approach to help children manage their anger:

1) As soon as your child gets “possessed” by rage and anger, take a very deep breath and don’t react. Don’t say a word until you are in full control of yourself.

2) Use your body language, posture, volume, and tone of your voice to show your child you are very calmed: “I will leave the room now. Please let me know when you calm down”. Don’t raise your voice, don’t take privileges away from your children and don’t punish them. Remember you are trying them how to stay in control of your mind and body, and to express and communicate their feelings in an assertive and positive way. 

3) Wait until your child has calmed down completely, even if you must wait an hour until his or her breathing gets back to normal. As soon as your child enters a “peaceful” state engage into “Connection” time: Use 20 minutes of exclusive play time to connect with him or her and try to see the world through your child’s eyes. Let your child show you what is bothering him or her. 

Children express themselves nicely through play or simple words when you give them the time and confidence they need. Instead of asking questions, while playing, you can tell your child simple real stories about yourself just to inspire them to express their feelings: - “Yesterday I was very mad at my boss because he forgot my birthday. It made me very sad too” -.

4) When you feel angry or sad or anxious, let your child know how you feel and model the behavior to manage those emotions: practice belly-breathing together, teach them how to punch a cushion or go out and take a walk together to get some fresh air. When you have calmed down, use simple words to tell your children, in the shortest possible phrase, what made you upset.

I read this tweet today: “Love is not what you feel. Love is what you do”. It inspired me to write this post for you. Very often, we all need to remind ourselves: loving our children is accepting and supporting them unconditionally, for them to know they can always trust us, to nurture their self-confidence by showing them we will love them no matter what. And when we feel wounded by their “mean words”, we need to keep in mind they are cues intended to let us know our children are in pain and need our help. 

It is our responsibility to show our children how to achieve a peaceful state of mind, stay calmed and successfully manage their emotions, but we can not teach that with words because this is taught by example.  

If you try this approach for a month and your child still comes up with violent phrases like: “I want to kill you” or “I wish you were dead”, my advice is for you to ask for some professional help from a Psychologist.  

How to help my child focus and concentrate

Think of “Concentration” as if it were a muscle: it needs to be trained progressively, get rest and be nurtured. Also, same as the whole human body, our brain performs a lot better when it is relaxed, oxygenated, and clean from the stress toxins. To help your child focus and concentrate, you need to take care not only of the “brain training” per se but also of the environment and the emotions your child is dealing with. These are the four key factors you need to work on: 

FACTOR #1: Anxiety is the greatest obstacle for concentration
From the Biological standpoint: to focus, our brains take oxygen from our blood. It needs to receive oxygen at the proper pace. When children are anxious, their hearts beat at an accelerated hasty pace and end up bringing too little oxygen way too fast. So, these children’s brains are not properly oxygenated for concentration. 

Furthermore, children struggling with anxiety receive constant “internal stimuli”. These are disrupting and spontaneous thoughts or memories that interrupt their concentration by making them feel alarmed or frightened. This may explain why many children can’t perform a task requiring three or more steps without forgetting a step.  

Anxiety leads to avoidance, the opposite of concentration. Children with anxiety need their parents to work on their “connection”. This is the healthiest and most effective way to find the real source of children’s fears, and helping them deal with it will strengthen their self-confidence. Also, you and your child would benefit if you practice belly-breathing together before trying to concentrate. Steady, diaphragmatic breathing slows your heart rate and clears your mind so you can concentrate. This is an important skill for all of us to learn as early as possible: calming the body through breathing. 

FACTOR #2: Overscheduling and Fatigue
We tend to try to keep our children distracted and busy all the time. Children that are whisked from activity to activity can feel mind-tiredness, they need a downtime to allow their young minds to recover from an activity. Their brains need some boredom time to recover from School. 

While some children will prefer to lay on their beds and watch the ceiling to get lost in their own thoughts for some minutes, other children will find it more beneficial to ride their bikes or play outside. You need to make sure your child has had the chance and time to get bored, to run, walk, or jump around before sitting down to homework. 

FACTOR #3: Feeling overwhelmed
When children are struggling to concentrate, they can be overwhelmed when projects look too big or complex, or when they’ve got many things to do. 

A great tactic to help increase your child's concentration is to split the task up into smaller pieces. Big projects can overwhelm. Even grownups have that feeling of "I don't even know where to start." Splitting the task up will give a child the feeling of progress as the pieces are completed. 

Another tactic is to make a To-do-list. Help your child focus on getting things done by making a list together of everything he or she needs to do for the day. Then let your child cross off each task as he or she finishes it. 

And, of course, you need to show your child how to use “Breathers”. During homework time, make sure your child takes a few breaks. After working for 10 or 20 minutes (depending on his or her age), invite your child to get up and move around, get a glass of water, and then go back to work. It is ok if your child wants to change the subject at homework. Some of us need to switch between courses (like language and sciences) because it allows us to switch the side of the brain we are using and this helps us stay away from tiredness. 

FACTOR #4: Distractions
Children get easily distracted because their young brains are still developing their “data-filters”. Your child’s senses fill his or her brain with a huge amount of information and can “saturate” it. While we grow up, our brains learn to put filters on the data gathered by our senses, so that we only process the relevant information. 

During childhood, many of us need some help to avoid unnecessary data while we are trying to concentrate. These may include conversations, TVs, cell phones, music, aromas, or fragrances, etc. Even the smell of just-baked-cookies keeps children from focusing on homework. Needless to say, hearing their parents arguing will upset children and will make it almost impossible for them to concentrate on what they are doing.  

How to help my child cope with divorce

Young children and even teens are still very self-centered and we need to protect them from taking responsibility for our own decisions. A divorce will always affect your children and there is no way to avoid that, but you can turn it into a positive experience if you face this situation as an opportunity to teach them “How to embrace changes when we are very frightened?”. And you can also do long term protection by nurturing your “connection” with them, by strengthening their self-confidence.

To help your children deal with a separation or divorce, you can try the following:

1) Reinforce this is not their fault. For most children, it is easier to blame themselves than to blame their parents. As you both are the pillars for their self-confidence, if you are not explicit and consistent, they will unconsciously put the burden on their backs. For their young minds, it is a lot easier to process -“It is my fault”- than -“It is my parents’ fault”-. As we are their source of love, care, and tranquility, it is very hard for them to understand how could we possibly do something that hurt them. For this same reason, please try not to argue about anything related to your children when they can hear you. They will translate your arguments into: “I knew this was my fault. There are arguing because of me.”

2) Protect their self-confidence and self-esteem by not interfering in their relationship with the other parent. Your children need to have their own (unbiased) opinion from each of you. As they grow up, this is just part of the natural process of becoming more independent. The image they have from both of you will evolve little by little over the years to come. This process needs to be protected from any “unwanted interference” or “manipulation”. 

Please be very careful not to make any negative comments about the other parent. It will only make your children be very frightened, and will also make them hold resentment towards you. Also, don’t let your good intentions to add any “decorations” to the plain truth: Don’t lie to protect them. Tell them the truth in their simple words when they ask. For example, if she asks: -“Where is Daddy?”-, you should answer: -“I don’t know. Why don’t you call him and ask him yourself?”-. If he asks: -“Why is Daddy….?”-, you should reply: -“I don’t know. Why don’t you call him and ask him…”-.

3) Control your anxiety. It won't help your children if you feel guilty. They will be more than OK if you both stay calmed and peaceful. Anxiety is what you should really strive to keep out of your lives. I encourage you to avoid “buying things” like candies or toys aiming to “compensate” what you may perceive as a loss for them. It is not. They will always have a Mommy and a Daddy, and you will both do better now that you are apart. You will be happier so your children will end up being happier too. 

Even though it is natural for parents to have this “urge” to make it up to their children and buy things to make them smile, you will only be giving them the wrong message: “I feel sorry for you”. Your children don’t need you to teach them to feel sorry for themselves, they need you to teach her “How to embrace change when we feel frightened”.

4) Nurture your “connection” with your children. This is long-term protection. The “connection” we have with our children help them raise their self-confidence while strengthening our relationship with them. I encourage you to have a 20 minutes’ playtime session with each child, every day you have them with you. Turn off your phone and just play as if you were her (or his) age, without any rules. Let her (or him) be the boss. Don’t try to teach them anything, just play, observe them without being judgmental.

How to help my hypersensitive child

Many children experience hypersensitivity to touch or sound, with or without being diagnosed ADHD. Your child is not fussy and this is not a disease. Your children may just need some training for their wonderful brains to learn how to filter the overwhelming quantity of information they are receiving from the environment. And you can help a lot.

• Does your child frequently complain about how rash are his or her clothes?
• Does your child avoid playing with mud?
• Does your child avoid walking barefoot?
• Does your child complain when he or she feels the wind on his or her face?
• Does your child get anxious when his or hands or clothes get dirty?
• Does your child dislike how the sun feels on the skin even on cold days?
• Is your child reluctant to walk on uneven surfaces?

Hypersensitive children may look like if they were shy or a little frightened. These children's brain may need a little help to "filter" the quantity of information it (the brain) is receiving, to then design and “command” the right physical response for their bodies. 
There are 3 Tips I always recommend to help hypersensitive children, to help their brains self-regulate while nurturing their self-confidence:

1) Respect your child. Don’t force him or her to do something they don’t feel comfortable with. This means: if they don’t want to walk barefoot on the beach, don’t nag them

2) Inspire your child to experience new sensations. Offer new delightful experiences for your child’s touch:

• Cover your windows with shaving foam and make hand prints
• Do some wall-art with washable painting. Use only fingers, hands, and feet, no brushes
• Clean your car with your child, use soft soap and sponges
• Give some bare hand massage to the chocolate chip cookie dough. If your child is reluctant to this massage, ask your child to help you get the chocolate chips out the dough 
• Make some mud pies under the rain: get soaked together and laugh loudly
• Invite your child to bury your feet in the sand. Then ask your child to bury his or her own fee
• Ask your child to help you serve the jell-O with his or her bare hands, without any utensils
• Ask your child to help you decorate the T-shirt you are wearing. Show your child how funny it is to get some stains on our clothes. You can handwash it later together.

3) Help them structure little processes. For example, how would you explain to your child how to wash his or her hands?:

Step 1: Roll back your sleeves
Step 2: Get some soap on your hands
Step 3: Get your hands wet
Step 4: Rub your hands
Step 5: Rinse your hands
Step 6: Dry your hands

Explaining simple processes to him or her and encouraging your child to follow them will help his or her brain to start creating an “organized response”. 

Everything we do can be explained as a process. Do this exercise: Which is the process you need to follow to brush your teeth? To set the table? To make a sandwich? To get dressed? The more simple processes you explain and help your child follow, the better and faster your child’s brain will self-regulate. You can add complexity to the processes little by little, always in a positive attitude to strengthen your child's self-confidence. But there is an important component in this equation: This has to be fun!

Children learn a lot faster when they are having fun.  

How to help my child to make friends

Children are not born with social skills. They are learned. Some children may develop these skills faster than others and it will depend on the stimulation and environment they are exposed to. 

It is a fact that a  single-child will tend to struggle more to make friends. It is also a fact that your child will do a lot better with just a little help from you. After all, you only have to show your child how it’s done.

In Tribal Societies, this concern about Social Skills hardly ever exists. Children of all ages hang out together, so the older ones look after the little ones, they play with them and, therefore, “model” the social behavior for them. The little ones just imitate the older ones. In our society, instead, children are grouped by age at daycare, preschool, and school, so there is very little room for “role modeling” unless it comes from their parents.

These 4 Tips should help your child to make friends at school or preschool:

1.    One-on-One Playdates. Have only one friend invited to your house. Let your child choose who will be his or her guest. During play time, you’ll have to “model” the social skills your child needs. Some other day, you take your child to his or her playmate’s house and you keep “modeling” the social skills. Playdates work a lot better if you start only with one playmate at a time and at your house: your child will feel more secure and self-confident. You can increase the number of playmates and switch houses progressively.

2.    Outdoor and Indoor Playgrounds. Climb into the attractions with your child and take an active role in “pretend” play. Let your child see how you “break the ice” and start interacting with other children. Then you take a step back and let your child play. You’ll only step in if your child needs help to defend him o herself.  

3.    Have some Role-Playing when you are alone. Pretend you are a new friend to your child. How would you behave if you were a child who wants to play? You would use phrases like: “Hi. Can we play together”, “Do you like dogs? I have a pet…”, etc.

4.    At Preschool and Elementary School Age, have your child’s friends coming over to your house as often as possible. Kids love to show their toys and having their “little gang” in their own house, and it helps them to be more self-confident at school too. 

Childhood is about having fun and learning by playing. It is our job to do the best we can to help them.  

How to motivate your child to do better in school

We tend to be near-sighted. The grades your child gets in school, your child’s ability in math or reading and his or her attitude towards school are largely explained by your own concept of “Education”.

You can define “Education” as an organized process and system to get the selected knowledge and skills “installed” in your child’s brain or, you can define “Education” as “Learning”: that magical ability we humans have to “Unveil the Secrets of the World”.

Every child is unique. But children have something in common: when inspired, they are capable of everything.

If you inspire your child to learn new things, then you will stop worrying about you child’s grades.   

Try these 6 Tips to Motivate your Child for School while strengthening your "connection" and nurturing his or her self-confidence:

1)    Connection. Communication. Talk to your child every time you can. Answer their questions and ask back. If you can’t find any topic, take a book from Jules Verne and start sharing what you are reading.

2)    Mind Game: Question of the Day. Ask a question: "Why giraffes have such long neck?" or "Why do stars shine only at night?". If you don’t have the answer, you go and look for it together. You get the answer before putting your child to bed. You’ll be asking the questions first. Over time, you’ll see you child comes up with his or her own very interesting questions.

3)    Excursion: Trip to the Bookstore. Take your child to the Library or the Bookstore and have fun in there. Dive together into hundred’s of books and topics. Observe your child. Find out what topics is he or she attracted to. Mine was all into Princesses and, all of a sudden, she is now into “How Machines Work” and “The Kratts”.

4)    Experience: Experiment of the week. There are some very cool experiments you can do at home during the weekend. Your kids will get super excited and they will find out: It is SO fun to learn new stuff!!!. There is a website that has some awesome ideas: www.growingajeweledrose.com

5)    Give the right message. –“Do you know why you go to school? To have FUN. We take you to school to learn because learning new stuff is super fun”-.

6)   Ask the right questions. Stop asking about the quiz. Ask your child what he or she learned today. If there is no answer, share what you learned today. Teach by example. Be the person you want your child to be, your child will follow your example.  

Grades at School or Performance Ratings when working for a big Company, they all get pretty high when you are “Doing what you love to do”. If you put your anxiety or pressure behind your child's education, he or she will very likely end up hating it. The more peaceful you are, the happier and healthier your child will be, and it will show up in his or her learning curve.   

How to help my child stop biting his or her nails

Nail-biting is a “nervous habit”, like thumb-sucking, hair twisting or nose-picking. If your child is over 3 years old, then this nibbling is a symptom of an underlying anxiety. Your child is doing this for self-soothing purposes. Then, if you just “make” your child stop, he or she will replace this nail-biting with some other “self-calming habit” (namely eating or putting things in his or her mouth just like a baby). The real solution relies on reconnecting with your child to help him or her “drain” the anxiety while you identify and address the real cause behind it.  

I really like the approach from Joshua Sparrow MD, a renowned Child Psychiatrist. Hear it from the source:

About Nail-Biting and Thumb-Sucking

If you want to help your child stop biting his or her nails please don’t expect results overnight. If your child’s “nervous habit” is bothering you and making you nervous, keep in mind your child is not doing this voluntarily. Anything you might say to make him or her stop will just hurt your child’s self-confidence and generate even more anxiety.

There is a Two-Steps Solution to deal with “Nervous habits” in children I always recommend because I have seen really impressive results:

Step 1: Learning to deal with anxiety

·       

     Connect with your child. Play with him or her 20 minutes a day, without your phone, TV, iPad, Tablet or any other distraction. Just observe. Can you tell what specific activities help your child "calm down"? Is it riding a bike, swimming, playing ball or is it painting, or singing? Take all the time you need to find this out.

·      

     Invite your child. Don’t nag. Once you have identified what type of activities help your child “drain” the anxiety, invite him or her to do that together every time you catch your child nibbling. Ask him or her to sing, paint or play with you, without making any reference to the “nail-biting”.

·      

     Make it a wonderful time for your child. Let your child put the rules, let your child win. Make some mistakes on your own while you are playing. Don’t be critical.     

·      

     Show gratitude to your child. When you have played like this for at least 20 minutes, just say: -“Thank you for playing with me. I feel relaxed now”-.

     Step 2: Go straight to the root cause

Is there any major change around? Is everyone relaxed at home?
Is your child happy at school? Is he or she afraid of something? 
We went through this a while ago: 

·           

     Observing and understanding: Hope (4-year-old) was nibbling. I noticed she was super enthusiastic about her Pre-K and then, all of a sudden, she just didn’t want to be there. One day, without her knowing, I stayed at her Pre-K. I just observed the group dynamics: I noticed a girl took a toy away from her. My daughter only looked down and did not say a word.

     Validation: that night, I asked Hope: -“Would you like me to show you some ways to defend yourself from other kids so that no one takes your toys away without saying “please”?”-. Can you guess which was the answer?: A wonderfully beaming little face I will never forget. 

     Crack-it together. Give your child options to solve the problem, what I like to call “resources”. I am referring to mainly alternative responses for your child to choose the one he or she feels comfortable with. For example, I shared with Hope these ideas and she chose to try both (b) and (c):

a) Stick Up for your rights: -"Don’t let anyone take anything away from you. Speak loud and clear"-. We used some role playing and switched for her to practice some lines and moves at home.

b) Be a role model: meaning to show the others how she deserves to be treated being respectful, honest and persuasive: -“If you take my toy away from me without my consent, I will tell my mom and she will tell your mom tonight. It is up to you to choose”.-

c) Ask for help: -“Tell the teacher as soon as it happens and point your finger if you need to. If your teacher does not do anything about it, you let me know and I will take care of it”-. Some teachers just don’t get involved, if this is your case, let your child hear you when you talk with the other kid’s parents. 

If you repeat this Two-Steps approach every day, if you make a part of your life, you’ll notice this nail-biting habit will go away progressively. Give it a try and let me know how it worked for you. 

How to help my child lose weight

Overweight in children is usually the consequence of both anxiety and poor eating habits. Did you know you can embrace these “Weight Loss” challenge from a completely different perspective that will benefit your whole family without hurting your child’s self-esteem?

The best approach to deal with overweight is to keep in mind that anxiety is the real problem here, while “Forbidden things are always Tempting”. So if you just “ban” certain type of food, you may see some results as long as you are watching and I assure you: your child will find a way to cheat on you.      

Try these 7 Tips for 3 months, you will all feel a lot better:

1)    Relax. Anxiety triggers the “craving” and that “urgent need” for a sweet or fatty treat at night. Make dinner a pleasant moment for all of you, without letting phones, TV or Tablets getting on the way. If your child is focused on “chewing slowly” in a relaxed situation, his or her brain will be ready to let the whole body know it is “enough food” already: “I am full”. This means the more relaxed your child is, and the more positive is the climate at home, the less your child will eat. I also suggest you work on your CONNECTION with your child so that you can start working together on the other potential causes for his or her anxiety.

2)    Increase physical activity. Take your child to the playground, if it is too hot or too cold or too wet, try dancing together 30 minutes a day using your child’s favorite songs. You will need to increase the physical activity little by little so that you both enjoy the new healthy habits. For example, you can add swimming on the weekend if you can not afford to have a swim during weekdays.

3)    Replace all drinks at home (soft drinks, bottled or packed juice and teas) with water. Avoid even fresh fruit juice. The so-called “Liquid Calories” don’t help at all. It is really the act of chewing the one that triggers that desired reaction from your brain: “I am full”. The pure act of swallowing only adds unwanted calories. If you are in public spaces, like a birthday party or a restaurant, and your child wants a soft drink, let him or she have it. The anxiety created by the message: “You can not have that because you have to lose weight” is 100% negative. An occasional sugar-added drink won’t hurt, but you need to make sure those drinks don’t exist at home.

4)    Buy a lot of fresh fruit. Any kind. Including grapes and bananas. The sugar coming from fruits is easily burned-out. So there really is no reason to worry about having too much fruit. You can get affordable fresh fruit from your grocery store, just get the one that is already peeled and chopped so that you have it “ready” in your fridge. Stay away from granola bars and whole wheat cookies, neither of them help. You can have plenty of unsalted nuts (except peanuts) if you are not allergic. Through away the junk food you’ve got at home, in your pantry, fridge and also in your private hideouts. This applies to all your cookies, chips, candies, chocolates, ding-dongs and any other sweet treats. Pop Corn can fit in your healthy lifestyle only if you get it fat-free.

5)    Don’t let your child feel hungry. Let your child eat anytime he or she wants. Let your child choose: “Are you going to have fruit or nuts?” “Are you having strawberry-pineapple or kiwi-cantaloupe?”. Fruits will give him or her just the right Vitamins and Nuts are a great source for the Essential Oils your child’s brain needs. I personally recommend adding bee honey to the fruit because it is good for their body and it makes the transition easier.

6)    Reinvent Dinner. Have Chicken Noodle Soup and Chinese Stir Fry a lot more frequently. Omelets are an awesome alternative as well. Try to stay away from frozen food and carbs. Chinese recipes make it a lot easier to help you child eat a bunch of colorful vegetables while it is really easy and fast to cook. Add Sesame Oil to enhance the taste and to make it even more nutritious. Try to avoid cornstarch and flour when you cook (they absorb a lot of oil).

7)    Embrace resistance to change without fear: 

• The message has to be: “We are doing this as a family because we want to be healthy all the time”. The message must not be: “We are doing this because you need to lose weight”.
• If your child refuses to eat whatever you have for dinner, offer him or her a fruit salad or whichever fruit your child chooses. And if your child still refuses to eat, let it be. Children eat when they are hungry.
• If your child is craving for pizza, make it at home together. Use Turkey Ham, bell peppers, tomatoes, basil and olive oil.
• Let your child choose ONE meal during the week. If your child asks you to take him of her to McDonalds for a Happy Meal, please do it. “Forbidden things are always Tempting”.   

How to become a better parent

When I asked other parents: “How do I become a better parent?”, many of them answered: “Why do I need to change?” or “Why do I have to blame myself?” or “Do you think you are a better parent than I am?”. My first feeling would be better described as “bewilderment”. Today, I feel sorry for those parents because they did not understand my question.

“How do I become a better parent?” doesn’t have anything to do with blame or competition. It certainly doesn’t imply that there is something wrong with you. It is all about “DOING THE BEST I CAN FOR MY CHILD”, which happens to be “THE RIGHT THING TO DO”. 
I had a terrible childhood full of abuse, violence, neglect, and loneliness. But when I became a Mom I noticed I had been given the chance to choose which path was I going to take as a parent:

1. The Easy Way: do what I have been trained to do my whole life and let my child have a shockingly terrible childhood, just like mine. After all, it isn’t my fault. I am not to blame. It's just how it is.
2. The Right Thing: do whatever it takes to make sure my child has a real opportunity in life, to be raised without any type of violence, for her to feel loved, valued, respected and accepted.

I decided to DO THE RIGHT THING and to DO MY VERY BEST to become the BEST PARENT I CAN BE. It really turned into a huge effort to “break the mold” my own parents used on me. This is what really helped me:

1) I made a list based on my own experiences as a child: What would I have done differently if I were my own parent? Let your memories help you become the parent you wish you'd had when you were a child. 

2) I made my “Never Forget” list and read it quite frequently. It helped me "reprogram' myself: uninstalling malware and get the right "software" up and running. It included:

• The Love I feel for my child is infinitely larger than the resentment I feel for my parents. They have left many scars and open wounds on me, but my will is far stronger than my pain.

• When I feel discouraged and frightened, I need to tell myself I haven't been through hell when I was a child just to give up now. My childhood had only one favorable outcome, it gave me: Resilience. I will use it to become the best parent I can be and I will never give up. 

• It is our job as parents to show our children what “LOVE” means so that when they grow up, they have a strong self-esteem and a clear idea of how they deserve to be treated by others. 

• Parenting is not about "Controlling". It is about loving and accepting our children just the way they are. They are not made of clay. We are expected to provide them options for them to decide how to calm themselves when they are anxious, how to find their inner strength, how to solve problems, how to feel good about themselves, how to embrace challenges, how to fight a bully and how to make decisions.   

• For a child, “Love” is not measured by the quantity and price of the toys and clothes you give them. Also, “Love” is really insubstantial if it is merely a plain word we repeat automatically. “Love” turns into a huge Super Power when we describe it as: “sharing wonderful play time together, laughing and rolling on the floor, jumping in a muddy puddle, solving problems and dreaming together, without the phone getting in our way”. In one word, for a child, “Love is CONNECTION".

• I won't have most of the answers, but I will do my best to find the best possible answer for every question I get from my child. 

3) Take a deep breath when you are about to lose your patience, give yourself a few minutes to calm down before you say something you might later regret. Remember how helpless and frightened you felt every time your parents were mad at you when you were a child. 

4) Be ready to start over all over again every time you make a mistake. Read the lists you've written, your memories will give you the strength to apologize to your child and start again from scratch. Your child doesn't need you to be perfect. Your child needs you to do the best you can. It is ok if you make a mistake, repent and apologize.

5) My childhood memories worked as a very clear “NOT TO DO LIST”, but they did not provide any specific alternative approaches. So I started to look for answers out there by myself, reading countless books on Parenting and Positive Discipline. I had many interviews with therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and I also searched on the web for many, many hours. This process has never stopped. 

I am trying to teach my child to live the quote: “You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice” - Ziad K. Abdelnour. Let me tell you, I just couldn't be a happier parent. I really love the consequences from what I chose. “Be the best parent I can be” is definitely the best decision I've ever made in my life.

How to help my child with Gross Motor Skills

You can make the difference if your child is struggling with his or her Gross Motor Skills. I have put together the learnings from our own research and experience on this topic so that you can help your child overcome this phase even if you are running low on budget.

For over 2 years, we went through many doctors, therapists (occupational, physical, etc.) and many other specialists (homeopaths, nutritionists, etc.), so I can give you a “highly effective summary” you can start bringing to life right away.

If you have taken your child to the pediatrician and neurologist, and they both have said there is no medical condition that could possibly explain your child’s Gross Motor Skills Delay, then there are 2 areas you need to work on to help your child:

1) The Emotional Front:

Guess what? Your child knows how you feel about him or her. So please STOP. The emotional factor is a huge driver for Gross Motor Skills, haven't you heard the expressions: "He was shaking like a leaf?" or "She was frozen with fear". It happens to be that our children express their emotions through their bodies. It is harder for them than for us because they don't yet know how to describe what they are feeling, so they have a super hard time dealing with these fears and anxieties on their own.
   
I’ve been right there where you are standing right now. I have felt sad because my child couldn’t do many simple things, like running, climbing the stairs without help or even jump without grabbing onto something. I felt confused and even angry. I lost my patience many times because she was so slow for some tasks. I was very worried and frightened because I did not know how to help my child. I did notice this Delayed Gross Motor Skills had turned into an issue because it was affecting her Social Skills. For example, she didn’t want to climb in the Play Area every time I took her to McDonald’s. Your emotions are not helping your child, you need to get rid of your anxiety.

ACCEPT AND LOVE YOUR CHILD FOR WHOM SHE OR HE IS TODAY. The painful truth is you are hurting your child’s self-confidence because your attitude is telling him or her: “you are not good enough” and “there is something wrong about you”. Hence, Bad News: you may be the root cause for his or her Gross Motor Skills Delay. Good News: you can fix it.

Above all, your child needs to feel loved, valued and accepted by you. Your child needs to know he or she is already “meeting your expectations” and that you are already super proud of him or her. 

So, in a nutshell: drop the nagging and start playing with your child.

2) The Physical-Body Front

There are many fun games you can play with children to help them overcome this Delay on his or her Gross Motor Skills. The key to success is to make it FUN for your child, so I suggest you make some mistakes when you play, letting your child win. It will help a lot his or her self-confidence:

Help improve your child’s Coordination Skills

• Dance at home. 30 minutes a day will get you there. Get your child’s favorite songs in a playlist and have fun.
• Catch ball. Try with a soccer ball sized ball and play first catch from rebound, throwing and kicking. It really helps when you show them the process for each movement: how they need to put their legs and move their arms.
• I suggest you look for sports and activities that stimulate both sides of the body (left and right) simultaneously, like dancing and swimming. It encourages a healthier brain development.  

Help you child have better Balance

• Stand on one foot for as long as you can. Make it a contest. It will be fun for your child if you fall and laugh about it while you lay on the floor.
• Balance Bike. I got one for my child even though she was 4.5 years old when she started and she really enjoys riding her bike while I try to catch her. A Scooter can help too.

Help your child develop Muscle Strength

Children with Delayed Gross Motor Skills tend to be less active and need to be motivated. 

• Take your child to Indoor Playgrounds. Climb and jump with your child. The inflatable attractions are great for agility and Balance Skills too.
• McDonald’s and Chik-fil-A allow parents to climb their play area. I encourage you to do it because your child will follow you. You will have to do this a few times before your child climbs on his or her own without asking you to join him or her.
• Swim. If you can, take your child for a swim on the weekends and have fun playing in the water together.

How to help my child read

If your child is having a hard time learning to read, you can inspire him (or her) to while nurturing your child's self-confidence. Most children struggling to learn to read feel embarrassed and afraid of not being up to their parents' expectations, and this keeps them from practicing and trying harder. 

Children learn a lot better when there is no anxiety and when they feel love, safe and praised by their parents. These Tips will motivate your child and strengthen your "connection":

     Read to your child every day 

     During dinner, talk about this book you two are reading. There is an article with very helpful tips for you to become a great “out-loud reader” for your child: Helping Your Child Learn to Read

     Create mind-games from that book you are reading

     A fun mind-game we have is to change parts of the story and make a whole new book out of it. Let your child make the story and you write it down as he or she speaks. Show your child how important it is to write down the story he or she just pulled together. After a few days, you can read to your child that story he or she made up.

     Let your child see how much you enjoy reading a book

     We grownups spend a lot of time reading from our phones and other devices. Our children learn by example, meaning they will most likely imitate you. So, if you want your child to spend his or her time in books, start by yourself and let them see how excited you are about this new book you are reading, tell them what is it about. There are very good classics you can start with. My favorite author is Jules Verne. Children love to hear about the adventures captured in his books, like “A Capitan at Fifteen”.

     Let your child play with books 

     Give them the right message: Books are fun. Learning is fun. We have many “lift-the-flap” books and my child enjoys them by herself. They are pricey but worth it as they reinforce the message: “Books hide many wonderful secrets and it is so fun to find them all”. After all, that is what learning is all about: “Unveiling the Secrets of the World”.  

Make a major event out of your trips to the Bookstore. 

     Plan your trip to the bookstore as if you were going out on an adventure trip, like camping. Talk about what book you would like to read together. Try to spend hours in the store just “diving” into all the options. Sit on a table together with your books and enjoy while you are leafing through the pages. When you are done, let your child pick only one book.