How to help my child lose weight

Overweight in children is usually the consequence of both anxiety and poor eating habits. Did you know you can embrace these “Weight Loss” challenge from a completely different perspective that will benefit your whole family without hurting your child’s self-esteem?

The best approach to deal with overweight is to keep in mind that anxiety is the real problem here, while “Forbidden things are always Tempting”. So if you just “ban” certain type of food, you may see some results as long as you are watching and I assure you: your child will find a way to cheat on you.      

Try these 7 Tips for 3 months, you will all feel a lot better:

1)    Relax. Anxiety triggers the “craving” and that “urgent need” for a sweet or fatty treat at night. Make dinner a pleasant moment for all of you, without letting phones, TV or Tablets getting on the way. If your child is focused on “chewing slowly” in a relaxed situation, his or her brain will be ready to let the whole body know it is “enough food” already: “I am full”. This means the more relaxed your child is, and the more positive is the climate at home, the less your child will eat. I also suggest you work on your CONNECTION with your child so that you can start working together on the other potential causes for his or her anxiety.

2)    Increase physical activity. Take your child to the playground, if it is too hot or too cold or too wet, try dancing together 30 minutes a day using your child’s favorite songs. You will need to increase the physical activity little by little so that you both enjoy the new healthy habits. For example, you can add swimming on the weekend if you can not afford to have a swim during weekdays.

3)    Replace all drinks at home (soft drinks, bottled or packed juice and teas) with water. Avoid even fresh fruit juice. The so-called “Liquid Calories” don’t help at all. It is really the act of chewing the one that triggers that desired reaction from your brain: “I am full”. The pure act of swallowing only adds unwanted calories. If you are in public spaces, like a birthday party or a restaurant, and your child wants a soft drink, let him or she have it. The anxiety created by the message: “You can not have that because you have to lose weight” is 100% negative. An occasional sugar-added drink won’t hurt, but you need to make sure those drinks don’t exist at home.

4)    Buy a lot of fresh fruit. Any kind. Including grapes and bananas. The sugar coming from fruits is easily burned-out. So there really is no reason to worry about having too much fruit. You can get affordable fresh fruit from your grocery store, just get the one that is already peeled and chopped so that you have it “ready” in your fridge. Stay away from granola bars and whole wheat cookies, neither of them help. You can have plenty of unsalted nuts (except peanuts) if you are not allergic. Through away the junk food you’ve got at home, in your pantry, fridge and also in your private hideouts. This applies to all your cookies, chips, candies, chocolates, ding-dongs and any other sweet treats. Pop Corn can fit in your healthy lifestyle only if you get it fat-free.

5)    Don’t let your child feel hungry. Let your child eat anytime he or she wants. Let your child choose: “Are you going to have fruit or nuts?” “Are you having strawberry-pineapple or kiwi-cantaloupe?”. Fruits will give him or her just the right Vitamins and Nuts are a great source for the Essential Oils your child’s brain needs. I personally recommend adding bee honey to the fruit because it is good for their body and it makes the transition easier.

6)    Reinvent Dinner. Have Chicken Noodle Soup and Chinese Stir Fry a lot more frequently. Omelets are an awesome alternative as well. Try to stay away from frozen food and carbs. Chinese recipes make it a lot easier to help you child eat a bunch of colorful vegetables while it is really easy and fast to cook. Add Sesame Oil to enhance the taste and to make it even more nutritious. Try to avoid cornstarch and flour when you cook (they absorb a lot of oil).

7)    Embrace resistance to change without fear: 

• The message has to be: “We are doing this as a family because we want to be healthy all the time”. The message must not be: “We are doing this because you need to lose weight”.
• If your child refuses to eat whatever you have for dinner, offer him or her a fruit salad or whichever fruit your child chooses. And if your child still refuses to eat, let it be. Children eat when they are hungry.
• If your child is craving for pizza, make it at home together. Use Turkey Ham, bell peppers, tomatoes, basil and olive oil.
• Let your child choose ONE meal during the week. If your child asks you to take him of her to McDonalds for a Happy Meal, please do it. “Forbidden things are always Tempting”.   

How to become a better parent

When I asked other parents: “How do I become a better parent?”, many of them answered: “Why do I need to change?” or “Why do I have to blame myself?” or “Do you think you are a better parent than I am?”. My first feeling would be better described as “bewilderment”. Today, I feel sorry for those parents because they did not understand my question.

“How do I become a better parent?” doesn’t have anything to do with blame or competition. It certainly doesn’t imply that there is something wrong with you. It is all about “DOING THE BEST I CAN FOR MY CHILD”, which happens to be “THE RIGHT THING TO DO”. 
I had a terrible childhood full of abuse, violence, neglect, and loneliness. But when I became a Mom I noticed I had been given the chance to choose which path was I going to take as a parent:

1. The Easy Way: do what I have been trained to do my whole life and let my child have a shockingly terrible childhood, just like mine. After all, it isn’t my fault. I am not to blame. It's just how it is.
2. The Right Thing: do whatever it takes to make sure my child has a real opportunity in life, to be raised without any type of violence, for her to feel loved, valued, respected and accepted.

I decided to DO THE RIGHT THING and to DO MY VERY BEST to become the BEST PARENT I CAN BE. It really turned into a huge effort to “break the mold” my own parents used on me. This is what really helped me:

1) I made a list based on my own experiences as a child: What would I have done differently if I were my own parent? Let your memories help you become the parent you wish you'd had when you were a child. 

2) I made my “Never Forget” list and read it quite frequently. It helped me "reprogram' myself: uninstalling malware and get the right "software" up and running. It included:

• The Love I feel for my child is infinitely larger than the resentment I feel for my parents. They have left many scars and open wounds on me, but my will is far stronger than my pain.

• When I feel discouraged and frightened, I need to tell myself I haven't been through hell when I was a child just to give up now. My childhood had only one favorable outcome, it gave me: Resilience. I will use it to become the best parent I can be and I will never give up. 

• It is our job as parents to show our children what “LOVE” means so that when they grow up, they have a strong self-esteem and a clear idea of how they deserve to be treated by others. 

• Parenting is not about "Controlling". It is about loving and accepting our children just the way they are. They are not made of clay. We are expected to provide them options for them to decide how to calm themselves when they are anxious, how to find their inner strength, how to solve problems, how to feel good about themselves, how to embrace challenges, how to fight a bully and how to make decisions.   

• For a child, “Love” is not measured by the quantity and price of the toys and clothes you give them. Also, “Love” is really insubstantial if it is merely a plain word we repeat automatically. “Love” turns into a huge Super Power when we describe it as: “sharing wonderful play time together, laughing and rolling on the floor, jumping in a muddy puddle, solving problems and dreaming together, without the phone getting in our way”. In one word, for a child, “Love is CONNECTION".

• I won't have most of the answers, but I will do my best to find the best possible answer for every question I get from my child. 

3) Take a deep breath when you are about to lose your patience, give yourself a few minutes to calm down before you say something you might later regret. Remember how helpless and frightened you felt every time your parents were mad at you when you were a child. 

4) Be ready to start over all over again every time you make a mistake. Read the lists you've written, your memories will give you the strength to apologize to your child and start again from scratch. Your child doesn't need you to be perfect. Your child needs you to do the best you can. It is ok if you make a mistake, repent and apologize.

5) My childhood memories worked as a very clear “NOT TO DO LIST”, but they did not provide any specific alternative approaches. So I started to look for answers out there by myself, reading countless books on Parenting and Positive Discipline. I had many interviews with therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and I also searched on the web for many, many hours. This process has never stopped. 

I am trying to teach my child to live the quote: “You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice” - Ziad K. Abdelnour. Let me tell you, I just couldn't be a happier parent. I really love the consequences from what I chose. “Be the best parent I can be” is definitely the best decision I've ever made in my life.

How to help my child with Gross Motor Skills

You can make the difference if your child is struggling with his or her Gross Motor Skills. I have put together the learnings from our own research and experience on this topic so that you can help your child overcome this phase even if you are running low on budget.

For over 2 years, we went through many doctors, therapists (occupational, physical, etc.) and many other specialists (homeopaths, nutritionists, etc.), so I can give you a “highly effective summary” you can start bringing to life right away.

If you have taken your child to the pediatrician and neurologist, and they both have said there is no medical condition that could possibly explain your child’s Gross Motor Skills Delay, then there are 2 areas you need to work on to help your child:

1) The Emotional Front:

Guess what? Your child knows how you feel about him or her. So please STOP. The emotional factor is a huge driver for Gross Motor Skills, haven't you heard the expressions: "He was shaking like a leaf?" or "She was frozen with fear". It happens to be that our children express their emotions through their bodies. It is harder for them than for us because they don't yet know how to describe what they are feeling, so they have a super hard time dealing with these fears and anxieties on their own.
   
I’ve been right there where you are standing right now. I have felt sad because my child couldn’t do many simple things, like running, climbing the stairs without help or even jump without grabbing onto something. I felt confused and even angry. I lost my patience many times because she was so slow for some tasks. I was very worried and frightened because I did not know how to help my child. I did notice this Delayed Gross Motor Skills had turned into an issue because it was affecting her Social Skills. For example, she didn’t want to climb in the Play Area every time I took her to McDonald’s. Your emotions are not helping your child, you need to get rid of your anxiety.

ACCEPT AND LOVE YOUR CHILD FOR WHOM SHE OR HE IS TODAY. The painful truth is you are hurting your child’s self-confidence because your attitude is telling him or her: “you are not good enough” and “there is something wrong about you”. Hence, Bad News: you may be the root cause for his or her Gross Motor Skills Delay. Good News: you can fix it.

Above all, your child needs to feel loved, valued and accepted by you. Your child needs to know he or she is already “meeting your expectations” and that you are already super proud of him or her. 

So, in a nutshell: drop the nagging and start playing with your child.

2) The Physical-Body Front

There are many fun games you can play with children to help them overcome this Delay on his or her Gross Motor Skills. The key to success is to make it FUN for your child, so I suggest you make some mistakes when you play, letting your child win. It will help a lot his or her self-confidence:

Help improve your child’s Coordination Skills

• Dance at home. 30 minutes a day will get you there. Get your child’s favorite songs in a playlist and have fun.
• Catch ball. Try with a soccer ball sized ball and play first catch from rebound, throwing and kicking. It really helps when you show them the process for each movement: how they need to put their legs and move their arms.
• I suggest you look for sports and activities that stimulate both sides of the body (left and right) simultaneously, like dancing and swimming. It encourages a healthier brain development.  

Help you child have better Balance

• Stand on one foot for as long as you can. Make it a contest. It will be fun for your child if you fall and laugh about it while you lay on the floor.
• Balance Bike. I got one for my child even though she was 4.5 years old when she started and she really enjoys riding her bike while I try to catch her. A Scooter can help too.

Help your child develop Muscle Strength

Children with Delayed Gross Motor Skills tend to be less active and need to be motivated. 

• Take your child to Indoor Playgrounds. Climb and jump with your child. The inflatable attractions are great for agility and Balance Skills too.
• McDonald’s and Chik-fil-A allow parents to climb their play area. I encourage you to do it because your child will follow you. You will have to do this a few times before your child climbs on his or her own without asking you to join him or her.
• Swim. If you can, take your child for a swim on the weekends and have fun playing in the water together.

How to help my child read

If your child is having a hard time learning to read, you can inspire him (or her) to while nurturing your child's self-confidence. Most children struggling to learn to read feel embarrassed and afraid of not being up to their parents' expectations, and this keeps them from practicing and trying harder. 

Children learn a lot better when there is no anxiety and when they feel love, safe and praised by their parents. These Tips will motivate your child and strengthen your "connection":

     Read to your child every day 

     During dinner, talk about this book you two are reading. There is an article with very helpful tips for you to become a great “out-loud reader” for your child: Helping Your Child Learn to Read

     Create mind-games from that book you are reading

     A fun mind-game we have is to change parts of the story and make a whole new book out of it. Let your child make the story and you write it down as he or she speaks. Show your child how important it is to write down the story he or she just pulled together. After a few days, you can read to your child that story he or she made up.

     Let your child see how much you enjoy reading a book

     We grownups spend a lot of time reading from our phones and other devices. Our children learn by example, meaning they will most likely imitate you. So, if you want your child to spend his or her time in books, start by yourself and let them see how excited you are about this new book you are reading, tell them what is it about. There are very good classics you can start with. My favorite author is Jules Verne. Children love to hear about the adventures captured in his books, like “A Capitan at Fifteen”.

     Let your child play with books 

     Give them the right message: Books are fun. Learning is fun. We have many “lift-the-flap” books and my child enjoys them by herself. They are pricey but worth it as they reinforce the message: “Books hide many wonderful secrets and it is so fun to find them all”. After all, that is what learning is all about: “Unveiling the Secrets of the World”.  

Make a major event out of your trips to the Bookstore. 

     Plan your trip to the bookstore as if you were going out on an adventure trip, like camping. Talk about what book you would like to read together. Try to spend hours in the store just “diving” into all the options. Sit on a table together with your books and enjoy while you are leafing through the pages. When you are done, let your child pick only one book. 

How to help my child be more self-confident

Are you trying to be Mr. or Mrs. Perfect for your child? My advice is: DROP IT. RIGHT AWAY. If you want to strengthen your child's self-confidence, then be ready to let them know how imperfect you truly are.  

Children raised by these so-called “Perfect Parents”, with the Perfectly Clean House, and Perfectly Ironed Clothes, with their Perfect Careers and Perfect Family, end up becoming very insecure and unhappy grownups, with serious anger management issues and resentments that may later degenerate into something worse.

Children need to feel accepted and valued by their parents for whom they are. They need to know their parents are already the proudest on Earth. If your child is somehow feeling he or she is not “meeting” your high standards or expectations, then you are on the wrong path. If you look PERFECT before his or her eyes, if you don’t tumble and fall when you play, if you don’t make any mistakes, then you may need to make some adjustments to help your child feel more confident, accepted and LOVED.

These are some specific tips from a previously SUPER PERFECTIONIST and PICKY MOM that evolved into this RELAXED HAPPY MOM of a WONDERFULLY SELF-CONFIDENT AND HAPPY CHILD:

1)   Have at least 20 minutes of REAL PLAY every day with your child. This translates into turning OFF your phone and sitting (or laying) on the floor to play whatever your child tells you to play. You let him or she choose. Let him or she have the control on those 20 minutes. Your child sets the play rules and you follow, restraining yourself from making any suggestions (or comments) to make it a better or more educational game.

2)  Make mistakes, on purpose. If you are coloring together, make sure you color outside the lines. If you are working on a puzzle, don’t forget to try really hard to put the wrong pieces together. If you are playing some “balance” game, please make sure you fall on the floor and laugh about it. When you let your child win some battles, you are nurturing his or her self-esteem.

3)  Let your child know you make many mistakes, you don’t have all the answers and you are ok with it. I believe the important lesson is: “I am not perfect. We moms (or dads) are not perfect, we make many mistakes. And you know, it is ok because EVERYONE makes mistakes”. I don’t know who came up with this stupid idea of us parents having to know every answer to every question to “spread” confidence among our children. I think it is better to look for answers together. For example, “Why is it that Dragons don’t get burned when they breathe fire?”

4)    Let your child see you are always doing your best, even though things don’t end up exactly as you want them to. I did my best to make this superb Kung Fu Panda (Chicken Noodle) Soup for my child. I worked really hard on picking the right ingredients when we were doing the groceries together, I chopped the vegetables trying to make them have the perfect bite size and I even sang while I was doing my cooking. At dinner, my child and I tasted the soup and it was very bad. I just started laughing and said: “I tried so hard to make the perfect soup and I forgot to put salt in it”. She laughed loudly too. It’s been months since then. She still remembers that day and laughs every time. But when she’s done laughing, she adds: “It is OK you know? You tried really hard and we had fun”.

5)    Lose it. Choose you battles wisely and let your child win sometimes. Children do no need to take a bath every day and they certainly can stay for weeks without washing their hair before they start stinking. Their bodies are not made to work like robots, so they are not supposed to sleep at the same hour every day and always eat the same amount of food. They sleep when they are tired and eat when they are hungry. And nothing wrong happens when they dress “Wacky-Tacky” style; let’s face it, your child isn’t yet a CEO. 

6)    Be reasonable. Talk about it instead of “Making-it-happen”. Why does your child have to Clean Up after playing? It shouldn’t be just because you are a Perfectionist. Explain him or her the real practical reasons:

·       “We put everything back where it belongs so that you can find your toys when you need them. I have noticed you get worried when you can’t find something”.

·       “We pick up the Lego Pieces from the floor so that our feet won’t hurt if we accidently step on one of them”.

·       “We clean the table after we eat because we do not want to get invaded by cockroaches”.

·       “We wash our hands because we don't want an ugly worm living in our tummies”.

7)    Let your child face the natural consequences arising from his or her choices. My child did not want to put her dirty clothes in the hamper. I explained her only the clothes placed in the hamper get into the laundry room. She did not pick her clothes from the floor, so she had to wear her Pre-K uniform as Pajamas and also she had to wear them for a Birthday Party. She learned there are consequences for not following the Laundry Rules.   

Let it show how much you like playing like if you both had the same age, like if you were only a child again. Let him or she see there’s no other place you’d rather be at this time because there is nothing better than having so much fun together. Your child perception will be: Mom (or Dad) loves me.

Keep in mind you’ve been given the opportunity to be a child again. Only this time you set the rules. Pick up what you would change from your childhood, and make it different. Do your best. Do make a list. And do dare to make all those changes for you and your child. Enjoy!

How to help my child express his or her feelings

You may have noticed your child is a little reluctant to talk about his or her feelings, and this may be especially common among children who were born with this “generous-and-kind” nature. I am talking about children like my daughter, who always says "please" and "thank you", helps around the house, and acts concerned about other people's feelings and looks just a little shy. 

Perhaps you have realized too, that your child tends to please others even at the expense of postponing his or her own needs and, you are a worried because you have seen other preschoolers “taking advantage” of your child’s kindness. 

I call this “Need of Assertiveness”. That is, the ability to stick up for their rights and feelings, with self-confidence.

Good news: There are little changes you can do that will bring great results within days, while the effect will last for a lifetime. 

Assertiveness is a huge asset. If your child wasn’t born with it, you still can help him or she has it. In the classroom, assertiveness puts children at an advantage because it makes them feel comfortable commanding the teacher's attention, raising their hand if they know the answer, and asking for extra help if they are lost. It also helps them have an easier time making friends since they won't hesitate to say: "Hey, can I play too?"

These are my 7 Tips. They work in tandem: they help your child talk about his or her feelings and, they help you nurture your child’s assertiveness:

1) Share your own feelings with your child. Please DO turn OFF your phone

When we are having dinner, I play this little game I made up for my child. I call it One-by-One. I say: “Me first: I will tell you one thing I like about my job and one thing I don’t like about it. Then, it is your turn: you tell me one thing you like about today and one thing you don’t like about it”. Be honest when you talk about your feelings. For example: “I liked a new trick I learn on the computer, I felt happy. I didn’t like my boss forgot to say hello to me. I felt sad and mad”.  

2) Be ready to help when your child shares his or her feelings

Your child needs to feel you are on his or her side to help. So, you must do something with the information your child is sharing with you. Sometimes, children will need only some advice, a rewarding pat on their back or your arms to cuddle in. But there will be other times in which your ACTION will be needed. For example: When we were playing One-by-One, my daughter said: “I liked playing in the snow with my friends at Pre-K. I don’t like a girl who took away the phone from me. I was playing”. I was thinking about what to say to her, and then she added: “Mommy, I don’t know how to defend myself. Can you teach me?”. I replied right away: “Of course I will”.

In case you’re wondering, I spent hours awake at night thinking about how to help her. The morning was just a few hours away and I honestly had no idea on how to teach my child how to defend herself. The answers I found on the web were just not good enough. So, I ended up making a specially tailored self-defense plan training for my daughter who, by the way, does not speak English.   

3) Make it a Top Priority for your family

In our case, Language is a barrier that needs to be tackled right away. So, for the time being, I just threw away my expectations and plans for her to be a Bilingual Child. We are practicing self-defense phrases at home and talking mostly in English to help her. For us, her need to learn to defend herself, her need for assertiveness is more important that our need for her to be bilingual. So, please revise your Top Priorities Checklist and adjust accordingly.

4) Become a Role Model on Assertiveness

“How to stick up for your rights” or “How to defend yourself” is something we learn at home, from imitating our parents, caregivers and/or older brothers and sisters. What are you teaching your child by example? How do you defend yourself? Watch your body language, the tone and volume of your voice, your words, your “attitude” and your overall reaction when someone tries to take advantage of your own kindness. Your child will imitate “your style”. I felt very bad when I realized I was “submissive”. But I decided to work on it, to evolve, for my child. And it is working. Now I can’t help feeling overly proud of both us.  

5) Leverage on Role Playing

You are responsible for giving your child “resources” to defend him or herself. Practice at home with your child, taking turns. First, your child tries to take the remote control away from you. Teach-through-play. Use simple phrases and make the moves your child can copy to defend himself from others like: “Hey, it is my turn to use this. When I am done playing, I’ll give it you” or “I am not giving it to you because you haven’t said Please”. Then, let your child have the remote control and you try to take it away from him or her. Help your child develop his or her own “memorized-until-spontaneous reactions”, depending on your child’s motor skills, strengths, and weaknesses as well.

6) Show you child the Power of Awareness

“If you share your feelings with me, I will help you. If you don't tell me, how can I know if you need any help?”

7) Get the Teacher involved

Depending on their age, children may need their teachers’ intervention. In Hope’s case, it was more than necessary because of her age and the language barrier. While Hope develops her ability to talk in English, she lets her know her Teacher who is bothering her just by pointing her finger.

Please share with me your thoughts. What else can we do to nurture our child's assertiveness and help them talk about their feelings with confidence?

How to help my child adjust to preschool

If your child is struggling to adjust to preschool, your mornings may have turned heart wrenching and frustrating as your child doesn’t want to leave home. Then, it just may be a great opportunity to help your child learn something he or she will need through his or her life: How to face a challenge when you are feeling frightened?

Morning time is especially stressing. Everyone is in a hurry because we don’t want to be late to work or to school. However, if your child is yelling at you, crying, giving you a frowny face or, just looks upset for having to go to Pre-K, try to sit back, relax, and have a positive  Teamwork Session with your child.

Yes. You read it: Teamwork. It means we grown-ups have to listen, help our children talk to us about what is going on, and work on a solution together. 4-year-old children are ready to let you know what is bothering them, if you are willing to be an “active listener”, help them put a name on the emotions they are struggling with, and put together a plan and put it in place, as a team, to solve the problem.

You need to keep in mind you’ve just been given a wonderful opportunity to help your preschooler learn something that will be an incredible source of inner strength for him of her, for the rest of their lives. Your child will never forget what he or she will learn out of this situation: 

1) My mom and/or dad are always on my side to help me. I am NOT ALONE

2) My mom and/or dad listen to me, and they believe in me

3) This is how we face challenges and solve problems: we sit down together and talk about it, identify the problem and we design and implement a solution 

So, instead of facing this like a heart wrenching and frustrating situation, you can embrace it as a huge opportunity to strengthen your connection with your child, and your teamwork and collaboration skills.

Hope -my child- has always been a little quiet. I mean, I always noticed she kept a lot to herself and did not talk about her "emotions". In fact, she almost did not cry, even when she fell or bumped her head. So, I have been watching closely. 

My child had been attending Pre-K and was doing just fine before the Winter Break. She was very enthusiastic in the mornings and couldn’t wait to get into her classroom. I just couldn’t feel any prouder of my super independent and self-confident child. But one night, suddenly, she told me she wanted to stay at home because she didn’t like it at Pre-K. The next morning, she didn’t want to change her pajamas, so I dressed her up while she was all mumbling. I was just grabbing my car keys when I heard that phrase: -“I am not going to Preschool again”- and saw her frowny face. We were already late. If this sounds familiar to you, then the following tips will help you out:

1) Understand the Problem: Show what a great listener you can be

Ask your child “Why is it that you don’t want to go to Pre-K?”. If you notice your child is struggling to find the words to express what he or she wants to say, just give him or her some time. Don’t put words in your child’s mouth. To help my child talk about her feelings, we played 1x1: “Me first: I will tell you one thing I like about my job and one thing I don’t like about it. Then, it is your turn: you tell me one thing you like about Pre-K and one thing you don’t like about it”. She came up with: “I like playing with girls” and “I don’t know their name” 

2) Help your child put a name on the emotions: Be honest and sympathetic

I rephrased: “Are you feeling sad and mad because you want to play with your friends and you can’t?” 

3) Design a plan that will work for you as a team and involve the Teacher. This is what we worked out together:

• Hope and Mom go to Pre-K: Mom starts playing with Hope and the other girls for a little while and, getting to know them by their names.
• Mom stays a while at Pre-K and observes the dynamics in the classroom to help identify the problem’s root cause: I noticed my child is struggling to communicate with the other kids. She is being raised bilingual, so we were not talking in English at home. This wasn't a problem for her before the Winter Break, but it is now. 
• Mom talks with the Teacher and asks for her help: I explained to her what Hope had told me back at home, her reluctance of coming to Preschool. Of course, she got very involved in our plan, adopted a proactive role, and provided feedback.

4)   Keep the Communication Flowing between you and your Child.

• Talk with your child and fine-tune the final plan: in our case, we decided we would start talking more English at home to practice so that it will be easier to play with the other kids.
• Make sure you follow up with the Teacher and, show your child you are interested. At night, tell your child about what you learned today or, what ugly or funny thing happened to you at work. Then, ask your child what they played today, what funny thing happened today at Preschool. It always works better when you share “your stuff” before asking your child to tell you something.

Some people say it is counterproductive to stay at Pre-K with your child because it is like telling them you don’t believe they can do it on their own. I would say this may be right for some children, but they are not all the same. I do believe your child will be more self-confident if he or she sees you are involved with the plan you made together and you keep your promises.

In my opinion, leaving a child crying at preschool when he or she does not want to be there, maybe the best thing you can do as a grown up, but it is certainly NOT “reassurance” for some children, it can undermine their self-confidence. Some 4-year-old children are just not ready to face the world on their own yet; at this young age, they need to follow their parents’ model and have them on their side to support them.

Think long term, what do you want your child to feel when he or she remembers this Reluctance-to-Preschool Stage. We, humans, keep all our memories stored in our brains, even those from early childhood; and he or she may have the same feeling when they get into Junior High, College, or in a new super important job. Ask yourself: what do you want them to feel and remember when are all grownups feeling shy, scared, anxious, or reluctant during a transition phase?